Brioche

Back to continental Europe for this week’s loaf...a recipe that is wonderfully simple and fantastically unhealthy. Even I started feeling uneasy while making this one.

Start out by proofing 3 3/4 teaspoons of yeast and 2 tablespoons of sugar in 1/2 a cup of warm water. While that is just sitting there, lightly beat 4 eggs in a bowl (you can already tell this is going to be an especially healthy loaf, no?), and add 1 1/2 teaspoons of salt. Then, and this is kind of gross just thinking about it, add 1 cup of melted butter...as in two full sticks; half of one of those half-pound packages from the supermarket. Ugh. Well, hopefully it’ll at least taste good in the end. Anyway, stir in 4 cups of all-purpose flour, and then…

Nothing! No kneading this week, which made me both a little sad and a little anxious about whether this was actually going to work. But the recipe just says to beat until smooth, so that’s what we’ll do. Put the almost-dripping blob of dough into a buttered bowl (although, with so much butter in the dough itself, you wonder if the extra is at all needed), cover, and let sit for the

First Rising (1 hour and 15 minutes)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ So, just a quick update here, in that I am in the office trying to get enough work done before joining some of my friends for a Memorial Day Weekend barbecue…So, let me just say that really, there are precious few things that I can say I’ve had more of here in the Midwest than I did, say, back in college - honestly, food-wise I’m running a pretty severe deficit in the areas of egg-and-bagels, “orange” chicken, “Aunt Vicki’s” beef brisket, smoothies, knock-you-nakeds, milkshakes (really, dessert in general!), etc.

But, as of last night, Illinois has outpaced Massachusetts in the fields of both cheese and chocolate fondues. And my tummy is awfully happy about that.
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Punch the dough down, and peel the rather sticky dough out of the bowl. Cut into two roughly equal halves, shape into loaves, and put into an 8x4 and a 9x5 bread tin. Recover, and let undergo the

Second Rising (1 hour and 10 minutes)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Sometimes in life you are confronted with one of those moments that make you step back and think. The sort of moment when you suddenly recognize that you’re in some sort of rut, doing the same thing over and over, not out of desire or even some sort of conscious impulse, but out of sheer inertia. Not a pleasant sort of feeling.

So, like a bolt from the blue, just such a realization struck me while I was strolling down the pasta isle during my last trip to the grocery store. There it was, a vast array of green branded boxes, all identically priced, each carrying a different type of pasta. And here I was, reflexively just picking up another box of spaghetti. But why spaghetti? It was all I had ever gotten, but it’s not as though there’s some fundamental difference…they’re all made of the same stuff. (Note to any pasta purists reading this – yes, I’m sure there is some traditional use in terms of different sauces that go with each type of noodle…but at the level that I’m cooking, I feel quite confident in saying that it really doesn’t matter!) So, born that day was another goal I can work towards: not to buy another box of spaghetti until I’ve tried literally every other type of pasta at that store. First up: gemelli and rotini.
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Brush with cold water (actually, the recipe calls for the loaves to be brushed with a mix of egg yolk and milk…but but I used up the last of my eggs making the dough.) Bake at 400 degrees for 30 minutes. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tasting verdict: I have to be honest, when I tasted this the very first thing that popped into my mind was the phrase "haha...too much" (quite specifically, as said by this guy, about 1:27 seconds in). I mean, it tastes delicious, almost as if it's halfway between a loaf of bread and an unsweetened cake. But you can feel the buttery-ness of the bread just by touching the crust, and you can feel hours spent at the gym slipping away with every bite. So, in sum, tasty, but not exactly a lunchtime sandwich bread...not quite sure what I'll do with these instead, but I'm sure I'll think of something.

Currently reading: Actually, I'm in between books at the moment...Anybody read anything good lately that they'd suggest?

(Boring) White Bread

Well, I’m afraid a few factors (mostly limited time as I’m not making this on the weekend this time, along with the very sorry state my kitchen stocks are in) have conspired to make this week’s choice of recipe almost as boring as possible. So, brace yourself for an easy-to-make but mostly unexciting loaf.

Start off by putting 2 1/4 teaspoons of yeast and 1 scant tablespoon of sugar in 1/2 a cup of warm water (aside: “scant” is my all-time favorite cooking adjective). While the yeast is proofing, combine between 3 1/2 and 3 3/4 cups of all-purpose flour and 1 tablespoon of salt in a mixing bowl. Pour in 3/4 cups of warm water and stir; add the yeast mixture and stir some more. This will be a fairly easy loaf to knead… taking maybe only 6 or so minutes to make nice and smooth. Put in a buttered bowl, cover, and (since the temperature has taken a little plunge over the past few days) put in the oven (door ajar, at its lowest setting) for the

First Rising (1 hour and 15 minutes)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ On Sunday a bunch of my friends and I all made the drive up to the Six Flags outside of Chicago, and it was an absolutely fantastic trip. Unless I’m forgetting something, I think this was the first time I’ve been to a theme park since I was in high school. Anyway, it was a little bit cold and windy, which both made it a bit of a struggle not to shiver uncontrollably and also drastically cut down the length of the lines, so we were able to go on many more rides than I would have expected.

So, why do I like roller coasters? I think there are essentially two reasons. First, of course, they are just plain fun: travel at interstate-like speeds, get a burst of adrenalin, see scenery whizzing by, feel the rush of the air, all that stuff. But also, and perhaps equally important for me, I find them absolutely terrifying. But terrifying in a very controlled way: your gut might be telling you that you are about to die, but intellectually you know that the odds of anything actually happening to you are vanishingly small. One of the best moments on a roller coaster is when you’re being hauled up the first incline, and for a while all you are thinking about is how much fun you are about to have. And then, say, two-thirds of the way up you start looking around, and you notice that suddenly the ground is really far away. And you start wondering what on earth you are doing, strapped to some infernal contraption that (a) is surely about to plunge you to your doom and (b) won’t let you escape. Now, all this time you know and can try to actually convince yourself that everything will be fine once the coaster actually gets going, but it’s having all that time to think about the insanity of what you are doing that gets the heart pumping even before the first drop. All of this, combined with that rush during the ride, is what reduces me to quasi-idiotic, uncontrollable laughter during and for a few moments after the ride.

Favorite ride of the day: “Superman: Ultimate Flight” This is the one where you take your seat, and then the seats rotate 90 degrees to leave you facing straight down, hanging from some straps as you fly around the track. In part it might be that this was the one ride I actually waited to get a front-row seat on, but this ride was absolutely thrilling. Also, being forced to look down at the ground as you slowly ascend away from it makes everything I said above about the moments while the coaster is climbing to the top of the first drop even more crazily intense.

Most absolutely terrifying ride of the day: “The Giant Drop” A pretty aptly named ride that simply takes you to the top of a vertical tower, pauses for a few moments to catch you off guard, and then launches you straight at the ground at faster-than-free-fall speeds. The view from the top is totally unobstructed and so is very nice, and then in a heartbeat it is taken away from you. The fall maybe lasts a second or so, but it feels like an eternity. Or rather, an eternity where you are unable to form a single coherent thought. I think I was shaking for a minute after I got off that one. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Punch the dough down, and knead it for a few minutes. Shape into a loaf, and place in a buttered 9x5 bread tin for the

Second Rising (50 minutes)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ When I was younger I used to play this computer game called SimAnt, and I thought it was pretty fun. You got to control a colony of black ants (always battling against the red ants) and from a humble start in the back yard you had to work towards the ultimate goal of invading the kitchen.

Well, now real ants have invaded *my* kitchen, and it’s not fun anymore. I’ve been trying a whole host of things to try to get rid of them… First, I played nice and just ignored them. But then their population exploded exponentially, so I tried to go with a mechanical solution (by which I mean I tried to Dust Buster lines of ants away)…a comically ineffective method. Then, I tried to starve them out, practically emptying my kitchen of anything edible (admittedly, this “strategy” might have been more that I just kept putting off taking a trip to the grocery store). This did keep the ants to a vaguely manageable number, but, well, it was starting to have a negative effect on me, too. So, I couldn’t quite keep that up, and now, I’m sorry, but it’s time for Phase III…time to see what insect-destroying powers the miracles of modern chemistry can conjure up for me. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Just before putting the bread in, brush with cold water. Bake for (35) minutes.

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Tasting verdict: Well, nothing too over-the-top, of course. Has a nice, simple flavor (I think this bread is what I have in mind when I call a food "honest"). A good counterbalance to the raw excitement of Six Flags, perhaps.

Currently reading: Philoctetes... Wouldn't my classical drama professor be so proud?

Bagels! (Attempt #1)

Well, 08/08/08 is fast approaching, which means I have just about three months to perfect my bagel-making technique. So, here's the first attempt! I had to stray pretty far from the book recipe at times, since it was based on a food processor method and would have left me with a watery mess had I tried to follow it working by hand. If anybody has a good recipe that I wouldn't have to modify, do let me know!

Proof 2 teaspoons of yeast in 1 1/4 cups of warm water. Add to this 2 tablespoons of molasses and 2 teaspoons of salt. Then stir in 1 cup of whole wheat flour and 2 1/2 cups of all-purpose flour. Start kneading. Either spending time at the gym is turning me into a rugged beast vis-à-vis dough kneading, or this is just a really easy dough to work with. Almost certainly the former, right? Anyway, the dough won't take long to make smooth and elastic, and it will remain relatively sticky. Once done, put in a buttered bowl, cover, and set aside for the

First Rising (2 hours)
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Perhaps not too surprisingly, not too much to report this week...seeing as over the last several days I did remarkably little that wasn't related to studying or take-home exams.

But, as of turning in my last final on Friday, I am now officially through my first year of graduate school. And on the whole, I'd say it's been a good first few semesters, if a rather busy at times. It's a bit strange; most of the time this semester felt much more stressful and busy than my first semester. But my usual sort of internal metric for these things is something like how many days I'm feel like I want to rest, relax, and do absolutely nothing before getting back to work, and by that measure this was apparently not nearly as bad as the fall semester (a week and a half vs. one weekend). Maybe my finals were just easier than last time. Or it could just be that I'm excited to start research this Friday.
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Now, there are probably left over poppy seeds in your cupboard from a few weeks ago, but we all know that sesame seed bagels are far superior! With any luck, you'll be just a few minute's walk away from a neighborhood Asian market, where for low low prices you can get whatever your heart desires...as long as your heart desires bulk foods and spices with no English labeling, whole frozen fish (staring at you with their creepy, beady little eyes), or ginger beer imported from Jamaica. Anyway, 1 pound of sesame seeds: $1.99.

After the dough has risen punch it back down, and then divide into 8 equal pieces -- a number chosen mostly because it's so easy to cut things in half repeatedly. Now, roll each piece into a ball, and now it's time to make them look like bagels! With the thumb and middle finger, pinch each ball in the center and gently pull apart to form a nice, uniform ring. (Ahh...don't look to carefully at that back-most bagel)

Now, there's no real second rising according to my recipe, just a 15 minute break to let the bagels "relax." Whatever that means. Anyway, cover the bagels while you do something productive...maybe finish folding the laundry or something.

So, once the bagels are nice and rested, set the oven to 400 degrees and bring a large pot of water to a boil. Put the two bagels in the boiling water and watch them dance around...pretty entertaining. Anyway, after a minute, take the bagels out, flip them over, and put them back in for another minute. (Incidentally, this is an excellent time, in your continuing quest to actually use every utensil in the kitchen, to put to the test those two slotted bamboo spoons you have lying around.) Put on a lightly buttered wire rack to drain of the extra water as you repeat for the rest of the bagels.

When they are all finished, brush with cold water and cover half with poppy seeds and half with your newly acquired sesame seeds. Let bake in the oven for 23 minutes.


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Tasting verdict: A good first effort, somewhere in between supermarket bagels and real bakery bagels...but I've obviously still got some kinks to work out. The taste is just what I was hoping for, but the bagel texture wasn't quite there...not really as chewy as they should be. Perhaps I need to let them boil for a little longer? Also, the crust wasn't quite as crisp as I wanted, but I'm pretty sure that's because I threw in that whole wheat flour, so I'll skip that next time. Anyway, I think these will be just fine for breakfast for the next few days, so on the whole, a moderate success.

Currently reading: "Rigid Gaussian Chains I: the Scattering Function," "Theory of Dynamic Barriers, Activated Hopping, and the Glass Transition in Polymer Melts," etc.

Currently eating: Bagels and cream cheese, clearly. And, for dessert, Cold Stone Creamery ice cream.

Message of the day: Happy Mother's Day, Mom!

Black Bread

A word of warning - I would not recommend doing any of what follows.

So, here's the game plan for making this bread. To start, wake up just before 3:15 a.m. Try to go back to sleep for about half an hour, but fail. Mentally rearrange your schedule for the day, and decide that means it would be best to make your bread for the week then instead of late at night. This decision will be the first mistake of many, so be prepared!

First, proof 5 teaspoons of yeast in 1/4 of a cup of warm water. While that starts to bubble away, stir 3/8 of a cup of cornmeal into 3/4 of a cup of cold water (we've already got some awesome measurements, right?). Once stirred, pour into 3/4 of a cup of boiling water. While the cornmeal/water starts to thicken up, stir in 2 1/2 tablespoons of brown sugar, 1 tablespoon of salt, 1 tablespoon of butter, 1 tablespoon of instant coffee, 1 tablespoon of unsweetened cocoa powder, and 1 1/2 teaspoons of caraway seeds (I'm pretty sure this recipe has at least twice as many ingredients as any bread I've made so far). Once this mixture is too thick (mistake #2) and sludge-like, pour it into the proofing yeast. "But Daniel!" you exclaim, "Won't pouring boiling hot sludge into yeast kill the yeast and stop the bread from rising?!" Well, yes. Yes, I think it will. That would be mistake number 3.

Anyway, start stirring in the following flours one cup at a time: 2 cups of dark rye flour, 1 cup of whole wheat flour, and 2 cups of all-purpose flour. The dough will be extremely tough, and by the 4th cup of flour it will be almost impossible to stir in anymore. Now, the book recipe suggests adding more warm water as necessary to stir in the right amount of flour. To get to mistake the fourth, badly misread the measuring cup and add another 1/2 cup of warm water. Well, it'll at least be pretty easy to add that last cup of flour now!

Time to knead... and getting this one into shape will truly be a herculean effort! Not only will this be easily the toughest and densest dough yet featured on this blog, thanks to our last mistake we'll have to knead in about another 3/4 of a cup of flour to get the dough to a good, elastic consistency. After a good 15-20 minutes of such kneading, put the dough in a buttered bowl and place in a warm spot for the

First Rising (2 hours)
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A trio of extra learning moments this morning. First, perhaps like me you had never tried instant coffee before. But, in preparing to make a loaf of bread you suddenly find yourself in possession of way too much of it, and at a rather early hour in the morning, no less. Inspiration and curiosity might strike, but you know what? Cheap instant coffee is nasty. But perhaps more inspiration strikes you! After all, you've now also got a tin of cocoa powder. Perhaps adding some cocoa and some sugar might make for a nice mocha beverage? Nope, still gross. Let's call that the fifth mistake.

Now, if you've been following the game plan, about 2/3 of the way through the first rising the sun will start to rise. Don't forget to take a sunrise walk, they are surprisingly nice and relaxing, even if you are quite tired. That's probably your first smart move of the day.

But don't get too cocky about that. Once you've gotten back, eaten breakfast, and brushed your teeth, try to resist the urge to continue eating. As it turns out, the taste of apples and Xtreme Herbal Mint toothpaste do not mix terribly well. Mistake 6.
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After 2 hours, the dough will have risen to, say, an extra 5% of its original volume. Not a good sign. Well, punch the dough down...but be warned: punch this dough and it will punch back! Knead the dough for a few minutes to loosen it up a little bit, then put in a buttered 8x4 bread pan. Now, you could then put the pan somewhere warm for 45 minutes for a second rising -- a sort of hail Mary of hopeless optimism -- but that would be mistake #7: we all know the dough isn't going to rise anymore.

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Brush the top of the loaf with a beaten mixture of 1 egg white and 1 tablespoon of cold water. Bake for 50 minutes.

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Tasting verdict: So, the recipe claimed that this would make two 8x4 loaves, but thanks to my little "boil all the yeast to death" fiasco, I barely got one loaf of bread out of this. And, to be honest, I don't think this should be called a loaf... a brick of bread might be the more appropriate appellation. Anyway, the positives: the taste isn't all that bad, rather nice actually. Also, I really like the way the crust looks...sort of like a cracked-earth, desert landscape right in my kitchen! On the other hand, the bread is, as you might have guessed, obscenely dense. All in all, I'd say this was one of my weaker efforts. Also, if anybody has another recipe for making a black bread, I'd love to try it!

Currently reading: It's finals week, so... textbooks and lecture notes.

Currently eating: Deli sandwich with roast beef, provolone, and a bit of mayo. On ridiculously dense bread. Not too bad.